THE GRATEFUL DEAD VERSION II
NAME: Jerome John Garcia
BIRTHDATE: August 1, 1942
PLACE OF BIRTH: San Francisco, California
"I wake up automatically at 9:00 EVERY morning (except for sometimes when I wake up later or earlier,) and gaze out the window at the flocks of geese flying north/south for the winter/summer and ask myself what does it all mean? I drink as much orange juice as I can get my dirty hands on because I know that it's gonna taste good. My boots don't fit me perfectly, so my little toe hurts. Sometimes I see someone that I think I recognize and I say hello or smile or something like that. It's fun to shoot at strangers while they're innocently passing the house, with the sonic blaster. Especially if they're pretty, heh. Philosophically, I have nothing to say. At Christmas, everybody gives me stuff that's red, white, and blue, cause that's what I like. It seems like we used to live in Palo Alto, but you couldn't prove it without dated film or something like that. If I had a rocket ship or some extraterrestrial friends you'd never see me. I hope that humanity survives the incredibly stupid hassles that we've gotten ourselves into. There's still hope. I like to see people dance. At night I modestly turn off the light in my room and snore profoundly for several hours. That's the partial truth."
NAME: Robert Hall Weir
BIRTHDATE: October 16, 1947
BIRTHPLACE: San Francisco, California
INSTRUMENT: Rhythm guitar
"I'm afraid I was born in 1947, and I ain't dead yet."
NAME: Philip Chapman Lesh
BIRTHDATE: March 15, 1940
BIRTHPLACE: Berkeley, California
"Born in a jail cell, the last of a line of at least three generations of horse thieves. Thereafter, history took over leaving me bewigged, lathered and ready for the axe. (The axe fell and I was killed, of course.) What you see is but a mere shadow of my former self, incarnate in 3,000,001 eras of eons and kalpas as the one and only Chicken-Licken, Magistrate Auspiate and Ex-minister Plenipotentiary From The Land Of Mayonnaise.
Fortunately, however, I was able to extricate myself from the clutches of the Great Kumquat, who had confined me in a no-dimension under the alias of Adzerbadger, The Sugarless Gum King. Wending my way through the galaxy's largest parking lot, I commandeered a 1902 Blitzen, driven by none other than the Max Post Lingo, proprietor of the great copulation pits of Heliodor. After a pleasant, but exhaustive visit to his domain, he was kind enough to furnish me with a one-way ticket on a fly by night pterodactyl, which left me off at the corner of California and 1965, so there you have it...all there is to know."
NAME: Ron (Pig-Pen) McKernan
BIRTHDATE: September 8, 1945
PLACE OF BIRTH: San Bruno, California
INSTRUMENT: Organ and harp
"Can't think what to write, but there's an ant hobbling around on this table. Absquatulate with the funds will ya? Had any prune-tang lately? There's a broken helicopter outside the door, looking bum-tripped after having fallen down on Happy Land Street, and belonging to the people who work in the hangar next door. Poot, still at a loss. I like fun and making people happy. Sue just loves my blue bow."
NAME: William Kreutzmann Jr. (Sommers)
BIRTHDATE: May 7, 1946
BIRTHPLACE: Palo Alto, California
"At 0 velocity you are not moving very fast. Information about me is not important, because everything is relative to the center of it all; which is music in motion through time and space....which tells you nothing about me...and I like it best that way."